Staycation: Day 4

Day four was a half day. A much needed half day, probably! My dad finished sealing the roof and started chopping down the purple leaf plum tree next to the garage. I generally prefer not to cut down healthy, mature trees, but this one has 3 main branches leaning on the garage and we would lose half the tree if we cut just those off. It makes more sense to just cut the whole thing down. I'll miss having the tree screen the view of the power lines, but at least it will give me another place to plant a fruit tree. Apricot, I'm thinking.

My mom and I started on the kitchen cafe curtains. The sewing went pretty quickly with my mom folding and pinning and me sewing. Now I just have to hand sew little metal rings on to the curtains that will slide onto the curtain rods. That's going to be the slow part.

Having a half day meant I had some extra energy in the evening and decided to go hang out with friends. Some friends of mine were having an outdoor movie screening get together that I had basically been talking myself out of going to all day. I have a bad habit of doing that. Sometimes I feel so grown up and different, and sometimes I realize I'm exactly the same way I was in grade school, junior high, and high school. I've always been a bit shy when it comes to friends. I always question whether or not I'm really invited or if people really want me around. It's been especially bad this past year. All sorts of hypothetical scenarios play out in my head, keeping me from showing up at group functions. For a while it was justifiable and kept me away from situations that probably wouldn't have been good for me emotionally, but it's not always like that anymore. Lately, every time I force myself to show up somewhere or initiate hanging out, it always ends up being fun. I don't know why I play these games in my head. Confidence is definitely something I need to work on. Last night, as I was telling everyone about all the work I've been doing on the house this week, my friends kept asking when I was finally going to have people over to show off all the new changes. I realized that it's probably been over a year since I've had all my friends over. I just haven't felt confident enough to initiate a party at my house. Will people show up? Will they have fun? Will it be awkward? It's ridiculous and pathetic. So that's my goal now. I need to have people over more. Family, friends, coworkers, anyone. I need to start being independently social again. It was easy as a couple, now I need to do it on my own.

400+ lbs of shingles in the Mini. What a workhorse.

Staycation: Day 3

Day three was a little more of day two. My dad finished putting all the new plywood on the room and I helped him nail it all in and draw chalk lines. It's all trimmed up now and ready for the roofing paper and whatever final material we decide to put on top. We had hope to do galvanized metal roofing, but the stuff we are finding is too expensive and really cheap quality, so we'll probably just go with asphalt shingles. Not exactly what I wanted, but I'm not terribly disappointed. At this point I'll just be glad to have a roof that doesn't leak and didn't cost me a fortune.

The painting in my room is all done and I love it! It's such a great change and feels so new. When I put my room back together, I took my moms suggestion and moved my bed in the corner between the windows. I don't know why I never thought that would work before. It's so much more spacious looking and it looks way better. I'm thinking about copying my older sister, Amy (which she has accused me of doing our whole life...justifiably) and buying a black metal bed frame from Ikea. I think it will really make the room look complete. It's this one:

Scout helps me blog.

Staycation: Day 2

Although today wasn't completely work free (I had to be at a job site at 6:30 a.m. to lay out plants), it still ended up being pretty productive. My parents (who I might have mentioned are awesome) showed up bright and early and started working before I even got back for the job site. My dad kept working on the garage today and my mom and I spent a lot of time driving around town, gathering supplies. While it didn't feel as physically productive as yesterday, it was actually really useful. We got paint samples, bought fabric for the kitchen windows, went back and bought a gallon of paint for the bedroom after painting samples all over the walls and prepped my room for painting. After my parents left for the evening, I started painting my room. I got two of the four walls finished, but I'm exhausted, so I'll save the rest for tomorrow. It looks awesome so far, though! I should stay home from work more often :)

New plywood on the roof.

View from the roof.

The paint is called Slate Green, although it's actually more of a blue-grey. It's bluer than the photos makes it look.

Got a free shelf from my design client today!

Staycation: Day 1

Not a bad day at all. My dad worked on tearing the old, rotted wood off of the garage roof while my mom and I tore out all the ugly bushes in the front yard and dug up crab grass. Yesterday I gathered paint samples for my bedroom and the living room. I think I found a good one for the bedroom but I'm still deciding on the living room. Too many choices! I also replaced the flush handle on my toilet. My plans for the kitchen curtains keep getting foiled. I finally decided to go with a sample I had gotten a couple weeks ago, and when I returned to the fabric store they were all out :( So I got a couple more samples, decided on one and drove back today to get it with my mom only to find the store closed at 4:00! Who closes that early?! Oh well, I'll get those curtains done one way or another. Here are some photos of today's work:

Roof ripped off.

Before

After

Ripped the bushes out with the Explorer. I felt tough.

Self Help

Channeling Stuart Smalley. Nerd.

Distractions

Staycation

I've been in a bit of a rut this past year. Finding the energy and motivation to get things accomplished has been a challenge to say the least. Unfortunately, I am not the type of person who pours themselves into projects and busy work in an effort to take their mind off of bad times. No, I am the type of person who is basically crippled by it and I shut down. I envy those on the other side. Instead, I wallow in it, and the more things I have on my to-do list, the less I do. And the less I do, the more depressed and upset I get with myself for falling so far behind. It's a vicious cycle. It's a cycle I'm determined to break though. My last brief but intense relationship fell apart, in part, because of this lack of motivation and drive I've been experiencing. There were obviously other reasons for it not working out, but this one in particular is something I don't want to be an issue next time around. And next time around, I've decided, is not going to be for a while. Not until I learn how to be motivated, organized and comfortable with being alone. I want to be ready and baggage free next time.

In an effort to break this cycle, I've been making lists, doing a little bit at a time and trying to figure out a system that works for me. At the beginning of the month I decided that I need some time off of work. I haven't taken a real vacation from work in as long as I can remember and I think I deserve it. So tomorrow I start my week vacation and I'm not going anywhere. Instead I've decided to stay at home and do some serious work on my house. I've enlisted the help of my awesome parents and I've made an impossibly long list of things I want to get accomplished. I'm realistic enough to know that I won't get it all done, but it's a start and I'm excited. Here's my list.

To-Do:

• Put a new roof on the garage
• Weed and plant the front yard
• Paint my bedroom and the living room (choose paint colors)
• Sew curtains for the kitchen
• Design the backyard landscape
• Clean up the vegetable garden area (possibly buy wood from the guy down the street for raised planters)
• Plant my two grape plants
  
• Organize my paperwork

Wish us luck.

Realization

I'm ok with being alone in my house now. Actually, I rather enjoy it.

Change

Growth

Starting Over

It's been a big year to say the least. A long, hard, emotional, challenging year full of ups and downs. Well, mostly downs, to be honest, but there were a few ups scattered in there. Accepting and coping with change hasn't been easy for me and I've tried to fight it, tooth and nail, but I'm beginning to understand that sometimes change is for the better. Letting go of a life that has defined me for over a decade is not an easy thing to do, but I've come to a point where it has to happen. I've put my life on hold for the last 14 months dwelling in the past and focusing on the negative. Sometimes I focus on it so much, I forget all of the positive parts of my life that surround me. Sometimes I forget that in this past year, I've become closer to my family than I have ever been in my life, I've developed genuine, lasting friendships with amazing people, I graduated college, had a brief, although meaningful glimpse at what it was like to be happy with someone new...and I made the choice to keep this house.

I held onto this house first as a desperate attempt to cling to the past. And then when I was finally left alone in it, I hated it. I hated the bare walls and the empty places where his stuff used to be. I hated how quiet it was during the day and the strange noises at night. I was overwhelmed by the responsibility and unmotivated to work on it at all. But slowly, things have changed, and I've learned to be comfortable in this house again. And each time I move things around, or paint a wall, or add something new, it feels more and more like my home. So it's time to start working on it again. It's time to start pouring my heart and energy into it, because not a lot of people get to have this opportunity and I don't want to take it for granted. I love this house and I'm ready to make it my own.

I'm starting this new blog though, because it just doesn't seem right to add onto the old. I have a lot of great memories on that blog and I don't regret any part of it, but it is time to start new and fresh. So now, this is my little bungalow, take two.