Wednesday, October 19, 2011
It's been a big year to say the least. A long, hard, emotional, challenging year full of ups and downs. Well, mostly downs, to be honest, but there were a few ups scattered in there. Accepting and coping with change hasn't been easy for me and I've tried to fight it, tooth and nail, but I'm beginning to understand that sometimes change is for the better. Letting go of a life that has defined me for over a decade is not an easy thing to do, but I've come to a point where it has to happen. I've put my life on hold for the last 14 months dwelling in the past and focusing on the negative. Sometimes I focus on it so much, I forget all of the positive parts of my life that surround me. Sometimes I forget that in this past year, I've become closer to my family than I have ever been in my life, I've developed genuine, lasting friendships with amazing people, I graduated college, had a brief, although meaningful glimpse at what it was like to be happy with someone new...and I made the choice to keep this house.
I held onto this house first as a desperate attempt to cling to the past. And then when I was finally left alone in it, I hated it. I hated the bare walls and the empty places where his stuff used to be. I hated how quiet it was during the day and the strange noises at night. I was overwhelmed by the responsibility and unmotivated to work on it at all. But slowly, things have changed, and I've learned to be comfortable in this house again. And each time I move things around, or paint a wall, or add something new, it feels more and more like my home. So it's time to start working on it again. It's time to start pouring my heart and energy into it, because not a lot of people get to have this opportunity and I don't want to take it for granted. I love this house and I'm ready to make it my own.
I'm starting this new blog though, because it just doesn't seem right to add onto the old. I have a lot of great memories on that blog and I don't regret any part of it, but it is time to start new and fresh. So now, this is my little bungalow, take two.