Day four was a half day. A much needed half day, probably! My dad finished sealing the roof and started chopping down the purple leaf plum tree next to the garage. I generally prefer not to cut down healthy, mature trees, but this one has 3 main branches leaning on the garage and we would lose half the tree if we cut just those off. It makes more sense to just cut the whole thing down. I'll miss having the tree screen the view of the power lines, but at least it will give me another place to plant a fruit tree. Apricot, I'm thinking.
My mom and I started on the kitchen cafe curtains. The sewing went pretty quickly with my mom folding and pinning and me sewing. Now I just have to hand sew little metal rings on to the curtains that will slide onto the curtain rods. That's going to be the slow part.
Having a half day meant I had some extra energy in the evening and decided to go hang out with friends. Some friends of mine were having an outdoor movie screening get together that I had basically been talking myself out of going to all day. I have a bad habit of doing that. Sometimes I feel so grown up and different, and sometimes I realize I'm exactly the same way I was in grade school, junior high, and high school. I've always been a bit shy when it comes to friends. I always question whether or not I'm really invited or if people really want me around. It's been especially bad this past year. All sorts of hypothetical scenarios play out in my head, keeping me from showing up at group functions. For a while it was justifiable and kept me away from situations that probably wouldn't have been good for me emotionally, but it's not always like that anymore. Lately, every time I force myself to show up somewhere or initiate hanging out, it always ends up being fun. I don't know why I play these games in my head. Confidence is definitely something I need to work on. Last night, as I was telling everyone about all the work I've been doing on the house this week, my friends kept asking when I was finally going to have people over to show off all the new changes. I realized that it's probably been over a year since I've had all my friends over. I just haven't felt confident enough to initiate a party at my house. Will people show up? Will they have fun? Will it be awkward? It's ridiculous and pathetic. So that's my goal now. I need to have people over more. Family, friends, coworkers, anyone. I need to start being independently social again. It was easy as a couple, now I need to do it on my own.